A practicing OB/GYN talks about the healing power of open conversations.
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KEY POINTS
- Social taboos prevent open conversations about sexual health, fostering stigma, misinformation, and prejudice.
- Open dialogue normalizes sexual experiences, reduces misinformation, and fosters inclusivity.
- Discussing sex improves mental health by fostering deeper connections and emotional well-being.
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By Maureen Slattery, MD, CSC, MSCP, ABS
In the days following the 2024 U.S. presidential election, I witnessed a lot of hurt. Some patients, family members, colleagues, and social media were bursting with disappointment and pain. The glaring polarization of the country, coupled with the fear of the unknown, is taking a toll on some people’s well-being. This divide—reminiscent of the ideological clashes of the Civil War— has motivated me, as an OB-GYN and sex counselor, to focus on a path forward. To heal and progress, in one domain at least, we can address one of society’s most persistent taboos: talking openly about sex.
The silence around sexual health
Almost everything I deal with as a gynecologist is shrouded in silence. We don’t talk about miscarriages, periods, or late-term pregnancy loss after PTA meetings. We don’t discuss infertility, asexuality, or menopause at sporting events. We don’t mention fibroids, gender identity, or erectile dysfunction at dinner. And we certainly don’t talk about sex.
Not talking about sex has created a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon.
For various reasons—religion, social constructs, and Puritanical values—we keep all things related to sex hidden. Talking about sex has remained buried in the back of the closet like old paisley bell bottoms we’d be embarrassed to wear. Not addressing these common issues allows stigma, misinformation, and fear to flourish. Sex doesn’t disappear; it remains uncomfortable and taboo for most people. This silence fosters myths, shame, and stereotypes, leading to misunderstandings and prejudice—often directed at our fellow citizens. Couple these fears with social media, and you have a recipe for the chaos we’re witnessing today.
Sex is normal
Every single human being exists because of sexual biology. Open conversations about sex can prevent fear from driving harmful political policies or justifying cruel behavior. Knowledge empowers people to make informed, healthier choices and to understand each other’s experiences. By putting down our phones and interacting in real life, we can normalize sex and com‐ bat misinformation.
Open conversations normalize experiences and reduce misinformation
From a physical health perspective, open discussions would make it common knowledge that:
- Miscarriages are prevalent (affecting 31% of all pregnancies and 10% of recognized pregnancies.)
- Ectopic pregnancies are common, occurring in approximately 10 to 14 per 1,000 pregnancies.
- Sexual identity and expression exist on a spectrum, much like the beautiful diversity of our skin tones.
- Gender is not binary, with over 30 possible combinations of genetic material affecting phenotype and genotype. This diversity is biologically normal, and being intersex is as common as having red hair (0.5-1.7% of the population).
- Imagine if everyone knew these facts. Sharing truths like these empowers individuals with knowledge, reduces stigma, and fosters inclusivity.
Public health improvements
From a public health perspective, the benefits of open dialogue about sex are clear. Countries like Sweden and the Netherlands, which offer comprehensive sex education and do not stigmatize sex, have lower rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and teen pregnancies. Conversely, countries that limit sex education or teach abstinence-only approaches see higher rates of HIV, STIs, and teen pregnancies. The freedom to discuss and teach about safe sexual activity helps people feel less afraid to seek help and more likely to protect themselves from disease.
Mental health benefits
Talking about sex is also critical for mental health. It empowers us to have other difficult conversations and fosters deeper connections. When people feel alone in their struggles, they are more likely to experience anxiety and depression. Public discussions about sex and identity can create a sense of community and belonging, reducing isolation and encouraging people to seek help when needed.
Moreover, healthy sexual relationships improve emotional well-being. Many studies show that a fulfilling sexual connection decreases anxiety and stress while increasing relationship satisfaction and overall happiness. For tips about how to talk about sex with your partner, see here.
A call to action: Bridging divides through dialogue
Every person on this planet will likely face sexual health-related issues or questions in their lifetime, whether about biology, pregnancy, contraception, puberty, gender, or sexual identity. By talking about these shared experiences, we can build bridges of empathy between people.
We can heal divisions when we recognize how much we have in common. We can start to erase discord when we relate to our neighbor’s journey. This begins by listening to one another. It begins by talking to one another.
Conversations about our shared humanity—including sex—remind us of what unites us. Our shared humanity will carry us through this life, together, undivided, with liberty and justice for all.
Final thoughts
What motivates me to do my work is the joy our interpersonal relationships bring to the quality of our short time on this planet. It is a gift to bridge medicine and counseling to help people find joy and pleasure. I know that talking about sex isn’t easy for most people, but I consider it my superpower. The best way I can help the most people is to keep talking about sex—in every place and way I can—with anyone who will listen.
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References
Prager, S.; Micks, E.; Dalton, V.K. (January 2, 2024). Pregnancy loss (miscarriage): Ter‐minology, risk factors, and etiology. In UpToDate Retrieved November 14, 2024.
www.uptodate.com
Tulandi, T. (July 29, 2024). Ectopic pregnancy: Epidemiology, risk factors, and anatom‐ic sites. In UpToDate. Retrieved November.
www.uptodate.com
Intersex Fact Sheet. United Nations Human Rights.
www.unfe.org
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